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School GatesI had thought I had left the world of snobby cliques and judgmental females behind me when I became a mother. I truly believed that the craziness of motherhood could only band a group of women closer together and there would be nothing but support for one another.

I was surprised to find I had been so very wrong. I moved back to South London when I was ready to begin my life as a stay at home mum. With kids in tow, I set off into the local area to hopefully meet and make new “mummy” friends. As we headed towards the playgroups and local activities it was apparent that cliques were more prevalent here than ever. Things were just as, if not more competitive than they are when you were in school or in the workplace. Only now you are competing by making sure your child reaches a milestone first, looking more put together and by showing you are doing this mother thing more flawlessly then they are.

bad mothers

After navigating through this world for some time, I have come up with a list of my top four most typical competitive mother’s you will meet (and should be avoided):

1. The Ultimate Granola Mum – She can be spotted by her yoga pants and clothed nappy baby on her hip. She is friendly enough, but the more you speak to her she is always quick to remind you that her family is living more holistically and healthier lifestyle than yours. You gave your child M&S breaded chicken strips for lunch? Eeek, she would never allow that in her house! Your child doesn’t eat only organic food? Watch her rattle of the chemicals you are serving to your child.  And  if you didn’t breastfeed your child until they were three! Well, you obviously don’t love your child as much as she loves hers.

2. One-Upper Mum – When my youngest started walking, I was excited to show off their new talent. When most other mums congratulated my little tyke for his recently acquired skill, this mum was quick to say that her son had started walking 4 months earlier than when mine began. Upon further conversation, I mentioned my child was saying mum and dad, only to hear that when her son was at that age, he was saying full sentences! When I stated my other child just started to learn to sing the alphabet, her child was now reading. There was nothing I could say without this woman one-upping me with her own child. If I had said my child started crawling at 2 months, according to her, her child began walking right out of her vagina.

3. The “Can-Do-Everything” Mum – She is spotted by handing out the homemade organic snacks that she baked last night, after running the fundraiser and sewing her child’s play costume all in one night. She always shows up, hair perfectly coiffed and makeup impeccable. Her children are always perfectly dressed in clothes (designer) that you couldn’t find a speck of dirt or stain on them. She seems nice enough, until she asks what you do all day if you are not part of your child’s school PTA and how she wishes she had as much free time as you do. Because she makes it clear if I am not as involved as she is, I must be lounging on the couch watching TV all day….

4. The “Stab you in the back” Mum – This type of women is the worst of them all. You can be blinded by her over friendly persona but you can spot her by the amount of shit talking she does when certain other mums are not around. She is quick to judge other’s parenting style, quick to reveal unsavory information about another mum’s private life or even worse, talk badly about another mum’s child. It makes you wonder that if she can say all these awful things about these other mums to you so freely, then what does she say about you when you are not around?

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Diary of is a regular blog, by a regular Greenwich mum. Sharing experiences as a local parent (and member of this website) she’ll be writing about everything and anything. And being completely anonymous – you never know – you could have stood next to her in the Post Office or behind her in Cafe W…

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About DiaryOf

Diary Of is a regular blog, by a regular Greenwich mum. Sharing experiences as a local parent (and member of this website) she’ll be writing about everything and anything. And being completely anonymous – you never know – you could have stood next to her in the Post Office or behind her in Cafe W…